Here's a piece of me.

Discuss matters related to Minecraft which aren't specific to the server.
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Anhrak
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Here's a piece of me.

Post by Anhrak » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 8:22 pm

Hey everyone. Please, before reading, read this with your heart and not with any bad intention. Writing this piece of text has cost me more than I psychicly should've been capable of.

Many people of all server's I've spent a remarkable lot time and effort in saw me cloaked in a mystery. but worst of all is, that I don't even know what it is.

My history on Minecraft started back in June, where I stated playing on a small server of a friend. However, after a while when 1.3 came out, my fun was spoiled by a friend of the server owner who abused several rights as an admin, ruining the fun for me and my friends.

After I left that server, also because the server didn't ever update to 1.3, I was welcomed to the servers of LDG-gaming. In that server, I've encountered a brother-like friend named Calypto. Along with him, I invited my friends who also played on the false administrator's server. We had a magnificent time on that server, untill all my friends, one by one, started playing less. When one of my creations was almost finished, I tried to expand it, but it went harhsly wrong with some explosives. Half of my creation was gone, I almost tortured myself for tht mistake, so I made up a false grief report in order to be actually able to fix it. After it was all repaired and the expansion was finished, I somehow lost the spark of continuing that progress, but oddly so did my friend Calypto. Both of us went moving elsewhere, I started another big project, but while I was on my own, I made the most stupid descision I could ever make in my entire life: I started using X-ray to get my resources fast, to avoid losing the spark agian. An administrator, though the only active one left in my vision, named Alex, put me back on the track where you shouldn't cheat. It helped me, but I couldn't avoid that I lost the spark of playing. I never considered anyone there as an enemy, I was very close to all people I cared about, I never knew why I left actually.

When I left LDG, I came in contact with Auntbeast. She told me that she was administrator on a server named Kismet, described as a happy place. Although, for myself it went wrong there. I started behaving a little different than I actually was, fearing I would go wrong again. I became a character that was very competitive, but I started yelling at people who were better at me. Another admin, VendettaNJM, helped me that I should prioritize by first starting to learn about the people I were playing with. It worked, I progressed fast, but somehow it didn't fix my big issue. Once I were busy, again with a big project, I left Kismet because I felt alone. I didn't know why, because all people I loved and cared about were still there... I just somehow lost that spark again. Many kind people there, such as Emmy, Carci, Windy and much more want me back, but for some reason I witheld myself from doing so.

After Kismet, I went visiting PureMineCraft. It went good there, although I still didn't behave like I originally was. There, I encountered another brother-like friend to me: Snackalot. On the server itself, I was going to be an abnormaly caring character, although that's how I saw it. One positively shocking result was that people suddenly saw my social and communicational skills being a big potential for responsibility. I grabbed the chance and, although I was new, I applied for a moderator. It went unseen for pretty long, or at least that was how I saw it, which disappointed me a bit, but I knew that many people I've met there were good friends with me. I created my first big project that was being a step-by-step progress on the actual Minecraft forums, which had big appreciation there. So many support, so much help from Snackalot... But I lost it again; the spark that kept me continuing on the project.

For a few weeks, I had shut down everything that was dealing with minecraft, because I was obsessed with what the hell was bugging me that stopped encouraging me to continue. I lied on the Kismet forums and PureMinecraft forums that I had a java issue with my minecraft, just for the sake that people wouldn't bother with me.

At end Minecraft 1.4.2, I returned to Kismet and started on something new for me: Tekkit. I loved playing on there, which was very odd, because I was learning. Learning every piece bit by bit what Tekkit was about... but then for me something terrible happened; Tekmet, the kismet server supporting Tekkit, was shut down and started continuing on Feed The Beast. Although it was all the same... I started caring less about it. I didn't know why... I was learning so fast and so eagerly, and it just went away.

A few days ago from this day, on the 29th of November, someone on the minecraft forums, named Logan, said he hosted a Feed The Beast server and started to develop it. I am having a great time there... but I keep fearing whenever that spark is going away again. Now it even became worse... I developped another brother-like friend, Zeemo, there... but our paths seperated which I wish it never happened. Untill today, I kept playing there, even helping on a forum page, website... but still I remembered that I could face something anytime that would take away my fun.

Today I returned to PureMinecraft, and saw something shocking (for me). Snackalot has become a moderator while I had put so much effort in it. I admit I was a bit jealous about that, and for some reason I started fighting with a moderator which I befriended upon I played there: Amantis. I apoligised and ever since I knew that something seriously is wrong.

Nowhere I ever blamed the community. In fact, everywhere I was, I treated everyone I cared about as something precious; I didn't want to lose it. I kept in touch with everyone as much as possible, on the LDG forums, on the Kismet IRC and forums, and on the PureMC forums...

Call me a cheater, liar or whatever you feel to call me, but there is one thing I must ask, which brought me many real tears to actually write:

what the fuck is wrong with me, who the fuck is the real 'desired' me, and why do I lose my will to play, although I have developped friends?

I appear that I can't answer these questions, so I hope anyone I've befriended with could help me out. I... just don't know it anymore.



Here, I hope that you will know everything about me that I should never have kept hidden away from you all. Why, because I hurt you all... MijnM, Typherior, Kroaser, Taerkas, Alex, Calypto, Takeo, Oska, Focus, Pinky, Coi, Gizmo, Phoenix, VendettaNJM, AuntBeast, Carci, Emmy, Windy, Andy, Magrue, Child, Starempress, Snackalot, Acc1dent, Rizhard, Bobosaur, Liamanten, Amantis, Mr_Stonecold (+ Jr), Ice Drake, Eric, Hittingray, Fedon, Klikko, LoneWolf, ProducePete, SoVereign, Undead4ever, Ko, and everyone else I grew up with on Minecraft.

As of this message, I won't be playing minecraft on any of these three servers... not before I got these questions answered, because this 'shit' keeps following me all the time and I can't control it



Sincerly,

Anhrak.
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iRobot
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Re: Here's a piece of me.

Post by iRobot » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 8:47 pm

what the fuck is wrong with me, who the fuck is the real 'desired' me, and why do I lose my will to play, although I have developped friends?
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Just stop playing, your problems solved.
Last edited by iRobot on Sun 02 Dec , 2012 8:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Anhrak
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Re: Here's a piece of me.

Post by Anhrak » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 8:50 pm

How the hell did you get the balls to say such a thing.


-> Please, before reading, read this with your heart and not with any bad intention. Writing this piece of text has cost me more than I psychicly should've been capable of.
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Azarael
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Re: Here's a piece of me.

Post by Azarael » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 8:51 pm

Posts like this (talking so openly and candidly to strangers on a public internet forum) are asking to get attacked. PM an admin if you want this thread removed.

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Anhrak
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Re: Here's a piece of me.

Post by Anhrak » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 8:52 pm

To many among the LDG community, I'm not a stranger. I've played longer than any other Mc server here.

If people prefer to attack, leave their disheartening action be in ther own conscience. People that do know me and could help me will find me.
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iRobot
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Re: Here's a piece of me.

Post by iRobot » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 8:55 pm

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You are fishing for sympathy because you got caught cheating at minecraft, and have developed a gaming addiction?

I helped you with my post, just stop playing.

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Anhrak
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Re: Here's a piece of me.

Post by Anhrak » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 8:59 pm

It's not an addiction, as this has been something aside from my other priorities in life: study, work etc. I am not wondering what I should prefer, I am wondering why it doesn't go good.

It isn't an adiction. In fact, the oposite.
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iRobot
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Re: Here's a piece of me.

Post by iRobot » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 9:07 pm

Anhrak wrote:It isn't an adiction. In fact, the oposite.
Perhaps it's the realization that you have spent so many hours of your life playing minecraft?

I'd feel bad too.

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CaptainXavious
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Re: Here's a piece of me.

Post by CaptainXavious » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 9:08 pm

Take iRobot's advice. Stop playing minecraft. Take a break from it and go play something else. I am the lead animator for the BWBPRecolors weapon pack and I rarely even play ut04 these days because I got bored/burned out on it. This really isn't anything too odd.

And you don't have to play the game to keep in touch with friends.
Last edited by CaptainXavious on Sun 02 Dec , 2012 9:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Anhrak
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Re: Here's a piece of me.

Post by Anhrak » Sun 02 Dec , 2012 9:10 pm

I quitted for some time earlier, when I left kismet for the first time. It didn't help back then... I fear that this would help then.
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